Why do you always encounter scumbags in relationships, and every relationship cannot last long? Is it because there are too many scumbags in reality, or is there something wrong with you? So if you have always encountered "scumbags" in your previous relationships "Female", maybe it's not entirely the other person's problem, it may also be your own problem.
Next, let’s find out how your “scum-absorbing physique” is developed.
1. The influence of the original family
The "Three Character Classic" says that in the beginning, people are inherently good.
But obviously, when we grow up, we all see clearly that people are divided into good and evil.
A large part of the reason cannot escape the influence of the original family.
Many people who have not found a partner have been pushed to the limit by their families, but they just can’t get up the energy.
When I think of marriage, I think of a large-scale fight scene where my parents would pick off guys and throw things when I was a child.
But in the eyes of parents, they think, isn’t this normal? What couple doesn’t quarrel? It’s so pretentious.
But how did they know that the fear of marriage was real and was subtly influenced by them.
Precisely because they grew up in this kind of environment, many people think that this is how close relationships are. Only the closest people don’t have to worry so much about saying the most straightforward but also the most hurtful things.
Then they will have two choices:
Or reject the so-called intimate relationship. If the person closest to me hurts me the most, then I might as well be single, right?
Or, I have adapted to this unequal relationship. Anyway, my parents came here like this, and I grew up in this kind of environment, so I am used to it.
So even if the other person treats you badly, your tolerance can tolerate it all.
Tell me, isn’t this just handing over the right to harm yourself to others?
Those girls who can really screw you, it’s not really about how capable they are, But you gave her this right.
As long as she suppresses you, stay away from her and don’t give her this chance. What can she do to you?
For this situation, the most fundamental thing is to change it. Make changes within yourself and try new relationship models.
You must know that a healthy intimate relationship will not cause pain. It should be mutual respect and mutual growth.
What you have to do is not to endure this twisted relationship, but to open up new channels.
If the other person suppresses you, belittles you, makes you feel inferior and timid, you should tell yourself that this is not love, but reality.If there is any harm, you must stay away from it as soon as possible.
2. People-pleasing personality
Even though we are not together yet, we just listen to whatever we say. Express a different opinion, and quickly change your words when your face looks wrong, for fear of making others angry.
Most of these boys feel that their conditions are not good and they are not as good as girls. Of course they have to be coaxed, otherwise how can they pursue them?
What is this called? ?In fact, it is caused by a low sense of self-worth.
Putting yourself too low and thinking that your self-worth is not as good as the other person’s, so use tolerance and tolerance to increase your self-worth.
Trying to make girls think that you are at least good-tempered and at least nice to her, so that they can look at you more.
But isn’t there a saying?
You can sink into the dust for a person, but no one will like you in the dust.
If you say that you do everything possible to be nice to others, will they definitely appreciate it?
Again, only a two-way relationship is meaningful.
As the old saying goes, benevolence and enmity are the same. In any relationship, blind tolerance and goodwill will not work.
Only when you learn to show yourself, the girls you attract will naturally appreciate you.
If you don’t know how to display it, you can add and send me a private message to get a free copy of "Love Guide".
3. Projective identification
To put it simply, it is a bit idealistic.
For example, when you see a girl with the face of first love, you think she must be very pure, gentle, and kind.
When you have given her such an established impression in your heart, you will use subtle manipulation methods to induce her to behave the way you want.
For example, when you give her flowers, you will subconsciously choose white lilies for her, symbolizing purity; you will praise her for her long, straight black hair and her good looks, but curly hair is not suitable for her.
Then you have said this, can someone still tell you that she actually likes big waves and hip-hop style?
To put it bluntly, it is to impose your own ideas on the other person. Slowly induce her to become what she thinks she is.
Maybe you won’t even notice this process.
Just like some boys, when they see a girl with a delicate appearance, slightly thicker makeup, and tattoos, they consciously regard her as a scumbag.
Then when you see her having contact with other boys, you will feel that your thoughts are confirmed. You see, she is very good at teasing boys.
AlsoThat is to say, you yourself define the other person as a "scumbag", and then your thoughts and actions will do everything possible to confirm it.
In fact, these appearance characteristics are not absolute, but your own lack of trust in her.
Although you like her, you thought in your heart from the beginning, I will definitely not be able to handle such a girl, and sooner or later I will lose her.
Then he will try every means to keep her by his side for a longer time, not letting her have contact with the opposite sex, not letting her go out to play, not letting her get together with friends alone.
As time goes by, you think she is really the kind of person you think she is, but in fact it is just you who pushed her too hard and wanted to escape.
So, is the scumbag you call really a scumbag, or was she led to become a scumbag by you? You might as well think about it carefully.
